Depression and HASAY don’t mix

The other day I was gathering information about our move to Italy. The more I looked, the more depressed I got.

I know all the good things about this move: it’ll be a great experience for my kids. Professionally it’ll be a great move as I’m almost guaranteed to get promoted out of it. If we play our cards right, we should come home debt free and with some extra money in the bank.

But as I was sitting and looking at the pictures of the smiling kids at the elementary school, I couldn’t help but think “That’s not my kids’ school.”

As I drive around town here, I get teary thinking of all the things I’ll miss here. And one thing is clear to me, all the good things that will come out of this assignment don’t outweigh the one bad thing: I’ll have to leave what has come to be my home.

What’s funny, is if you’d told me I’d feel this way when we first moved here, I would have laughed at you. Now, 8 years later, I’ve finally found a place I could grow some roots. I’ve lived here longer than anywhere in my adult life. Heck, I’ve lived here longer than I’ve lived anywhere IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

I’m sure I’ll whine about this a few more times before we actually leave. And I’m sure once we actually make the move, I’ll be wondering what I was freaking out about. But for now, I’m wallowing in my sorrows over it. And trying hard to get my heart and mind in the right place before we leave.

Oh and I am totally counting this as my HASAY post today. I spent most of my week walking around in a haze of depression. First because we weren’t sure Tony would be joining me in Italy. And then because he WOULD be. And when I get depressed, I eat. And I did exactly that this week. I ate. And I ate. And then I ate some more.

I also made a decision. I’ve decided that the number on the scale is what bothers me. It’s the not being in shape that bothers me. So, my new plan is to commit myself to an exercise program while watching what I eat. We’ll see how that works for me!

HASAY: What the?!?!?

Sometimes you do everything right. And despite all your best efforts, the scale doesn’t budge.

Sometimes you can’t help but be frustrated.

I had a great week. Counted every last morsel of food that went into my mouth. Passed by the candy and other sweets. Even watched what I ate when at the luncheon for a co-worker who moved.

On Saturday, I realized the payoff: I was down 3 pounds!! And more importantly, just 2.6 pounds away from the goal I’d set for myself before heading out to Texas.

Today (official weigh in day), the news is not so good. While I’ll readily admit I didn’t count or track anything this weekend, I can also say I didn’t eat THAT badly.

I’m sure it’s just water weight and will be gone by Tuesday or Wednesday.

At least I hope.

RTT, HASAY, Spin Cycle: Three for the price of one!

I’ve been neglecting my blog the last couple of weeks. Between the constant fretting and worrying over my assignment situation and the time change, I’ve either been too stressed or too tired to put coherent thoughts together. So, I’ve decided to string my three regular meme-type posts into one. So today you get my HASAY update, my Spin Cycle post and Random Tuesday Thoughts (OK, I know it’s Thursday, but work with me here! With the time change this week it FEELS like Tuesday!).

HASAY Update (brought to you by Casey at http://www.halfasgoodasyou.com): Ugh! The last thing I’ve thought about the last couple weeks has been HASAY. Or losing weight. The good thing: I’m normally a stress eater, however the stress of the last week or so has caused me to NOT want to eat. I actually went to the kitchen over the weekend, with the SOLE purpose of finding something chocolaty and/or sweet to satisfy my depression. I opened the refrigerator and then closed it. I opened the pantry and then closed it. Fridge again. Nothing. Didn’t feel like eating a thing from there, so I retreated quickly from the kitchen. Unfortunately, I’ve made up for it over the last couple days. So, I’m about even from last week’s weight and still down a pound over all. And I made it to Ab Lab twice this week AND walked a mile and a half yesterday. Yay me!

Spin Cycle (brought to you by http://www.spriteskeeper.com): This week’s Spin Cycle is about survival. I have to admit, when I first read the topic I thought about Survivor the TV show (which happens to be on my TV as I type…how coincidental!). That’s not what I want to spin about though. What do I want to spin about? Hmmm….good question. You hear about all these great survival stories on TV: women who’ve survived breast cancer, children who’ve survived some insurmountable challenge, survivors of plane crashes, natural disasters, or some other tragedy. Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with any of that. But when I think about survivors or surviving THOSE are the people I think of. Quite frankly, I’m in awe of them. I look at some of the things they’ve survived or lived through and wonder could I do the same? Would I be as strong? Would I hold out hope and make it to the other side? I guess that’s one of those questions you never know the answer to until you’re faced with it. And, well, I hope I never have to find out.

Still no word on my assignment issues (brief recap for those too lazy to click on the link above: I received an assignment to Italy, Tony did not. Trying right now to either get an assignment for him or cancel mine). I know things are being looked at/worked now, but I also know that we could be right back where we started when all is said done. Strangely, I’ve been calm the last couple days. I don’t know if I finally just ran out of worry/stress or if God has laid a calming hand on me, but I haven’t felt that panic that had overcome me last week. I know everything will work out in the end, though it may not be the way I want it to.

I was driving down the road behind a Volkswagon Beetle today and have decided that there must be some sort of law that all VW Beetle’s in the state of Georgia MUST have the same tag. It seems every Beetle I’ve ever seen has this tag:

I hate the weather this time of year. The weather is so crazy right now, you can’t help but get sick (and something has been going around my office…I hope it stays far away from me!). How crazy you might ask? Well, it SNOWED on 1 March. Just one week later it was in the 80s! Even the weather man is having a hard time…they predicted a high of 70 today. I guess somebody forgot to tell Mother Nature that because the temperature thingy inside my van proclaimed it to be 84!

With that, I’ve completed my Tuesday, er, Thursday Random Thoughts (brought to you by http://www.theunmom.com)!

HASAY and Girl Scout Cookies Just Don’t Mix

I was all prepared to type a good update today for HASAY (what’s HASAY you say? Click on the button over there —> and find out!). I stepped on the scale this morning and amazingly was down a pound! Not quite sure how I did that after the last couple of weeks, but I’ll take it!

And then came the Girl Scout Cookies. For those that don’t know, Alyssa is a Brownie Girl Scout. Today, our cookie order came in. I divided out all the cookies that had been ordered and repacked them for delivery tomorrow. Of course, I had to order extras (some for us and some to sell to those who didn’t order). I have almost an entire case of my nemesis staring at me as I type: the Thin Mint cookie.

I thought I’d be able to resist them. Alyssa opened a box and ate a whole sleeve by herself (ah, she’s learned well from the master!). She shared some of the remaining sleeve with her sisters and then brought the open package to me. So, what did I do? Well, I read Debbie’s and Mrs. Bear’s HASAY updates while finishing said open package (you’d think reading about puke would have deterred my cookie-fest, sadly I didn’t even blink an eye!).

I’m thinking eating the cookies while reading about someone else losing weight cancels out all the calories in the cookies. That’s the story I’m going to tell anyway.

And starting tomorrow, I’m back on the Weight Watchers wagaon. I know, I know, I said I’d do it last week. Well, I lied. OK, I didn’t really lie. I had the best of intentions, but well, you know all about the road to hell, right?

HASAY: Week 2

I feel I must start this week out with an apology.  So many of you stopped by over the week and offered support and well wishes and I was largely unable to do the same.  I promise I’ll do better this week!  And thanks to all of you who welcomed me with open arms!  We can and will do this!

It felt great starting back again.  And it feels great doing HASAY with you ladies.  One thing I like about starting a weight loss journey (no matter how large or small) is that you’re always so motivated the first week.  And that’s how I felt this week!  Also, knowing I was going to have to report back to you ladies (we are all ladies, right? Are any guys involved?), kept my will power strong!

OK, so how did I do on my goals last week?  Let’s see:

Goal 1: Journal every day (including days I don’t do so well) I managed to journal every day…yay me!  I even managed to pass up the sweets at the retirement ceremony I went to on Friday.  I did have a donut on Thursday, but I had the points for it, so all was good (I took a bite of a donut on Friday night, but spit it out…I hate cake donuts!).

Goal 2: Go to gym Mon, Wed, and Fri As I confessed last week, I get 90 minutes 3 days a week to go to the gym.  During duty hours.  Most days that means I have no excuse to skip the gym.  Unless work gets in the way.  Unfortunately, work got in the way on Monday and Friday.  Sure I still could have squeezed some gym time in, but who wants to do that?  I DID make it to the gym on Wednesday though.  I went to the Ab Lab class and it felt great (nevermind that it hurt to breathe on Thursday!).

Goal 3: Drink no more than 2 Diet Cokes per day (this plays into my resolutions too…how coincidental!)  Somewhere around Tuesday, this turned into “no more than 3 Diet Cokes per day.”  And somewhere around Wednesday, it turning into “drinking Diet Coke no more than 3 times a day.”  So, I could get Diet Coke at the restaurant and refill 15 times and it still only counted as one (like that math?).  The good news is, my Diet Coke intake decreases dramatically.  I really didn’t have 15 refills and most days I stuck pretty close to just 3 Diet Cokes.  I guess this week I need to define what equals 1 Diet Coke. 🙂

And now for the good part.  Drum roll, please.

Weight Change This Week:  -2.8

Goals for this week:

• Journal every day
• Get to the gym 3 times this week
• Drink no more than 32 oz of Diet Coke a day (let’s see if I can stick to this one!)
• Take a multivitamin every day (this one is going to be hard!)

HASAY: I’m jumping in!

I know I’m late to the party on this one, but I’m jumping into HASAY with both feet this week (well, maybe I won’t actually start until next week).  Casey tells me that my first assignment is here.  So, here goes!

1. What motivates you and why do you want to do this challenge? It may be that you’re training to run a 10K or merely just to be able to walk to the mailbox and not break a sweat (don’t worry, I fall on this end of the spectrum).  Hmmm…what  motivates me?  I’d have to say it’s a challenge or competition.  Also, knowing that I’m accountable or have to “report in” to someone else helps.  So, I guess that’s what I’m hoping to get out of this…that spark of a challenge.  We recently had a biggest loser competition at work.  I did really well and lost 20 lbs (a little over 13% of my starting weight).  I came in second to a guy who lost 14% of his weight.  That ended right before Thanksgiving and since then I’ve managed to put about 5 pounds back on.  I’m hoping joining HASAY will give me that kick I need to lose those 5 pounds again and the additional 5-10 pounds I want to lose to get to my pre-Angelina weight.

 

 

2. What is your long term goal? Do you want to lose weight or just tone your body. Are you trying to fit into your old prom dress for your upcoming reunion? Do you want to want to “pump yourself up” like Hans and Frans? Spill it.  I guess I already entered my long term goal above, but I’ll restate it here: lose 10-15 pounds and I want to do it by April 4.  Why April 4?  That’s Amanda’s quinceañera and I want to look smokin’ hot in front of the ex-wife (petty, I know!).  My secondary long term goal is to earn an Excellent score on my PT test for the Air Force.  That means I need to shave 2 1/2 minutes of my mile and a half run.  I can do this.  I hope.

3.  What is your long term weight loss goal? You don’t need to tell us your current weight, just how much you’d like to eventually lose. This can be in weight or inches. Jamie and I have a sewing tape measure that we use for our weekly measurements. We got ours in the sewing section at Wal-Mart, if you look at Target, you won’t find it.  I guess I should have read these questions better before I started answering because I keep answering the questions before they’re asked!  So, for the answer to this question, see #2.

4.  What tools are available to you? Treadmill, elliptical, jogging stroller, ThighMaster, Trampoline. Maybe a rabid dog to chase the weight off?  Tools?  Well, there’s the treadmill in my living room.  It has a nice layer of dust on it now.  I also have just about every piece of equipment known to man available at the base gym.  For free.  And multiple classes available to me.  Again, for free.  And then, I have all the tools of my Weight Watchers program available, of course.

5.  How often can you exercise? Be realistic here but try to make as much time as possible. This might include stepping AWAY from the blog for a couple of nights a week. I know, *gasp*. I’m crying on the inside too but it needs to be done. Fatty. Ok, that was mean and it won’t happen again. I promise.  This is where I really have no excuses.  I get 90 minutes, three times a week to work out.  During work hours.  I can’t really use the “don’t have time” excuse.  I can use the “I’m way too lazy” excuse though.  Starting Monday, I’m going to once again take advantage of my free gym time.  Three days a week I’ll be at the gym 30-60 minutes.  I’m going to do the Ab Lab class at the gym on Monday and Wednesday.  It’s a great class.  I don’t know why I stopped going and I’m going to regret it when I go back.

6.  What do you plan on doing? Beer curls, switch the remote to the other hand for a few days, start smoking more. Maybe you want to actually exercise and start eating better? I hear that never works but go ahead and try if you want.  Darn it!  Did it again!  Well, for the exercise portion, see above.  For weight loss, I’m going to start journalling again.  I’m going to journal every day, no matter how poorly I’ve eaten that day.  I use e-tools at www.weightwatchers.com for my journalling.  I love it!  And I’m going to try to get back to Weight Watchers meetings.  I need to figure out what day/time I can go and then stick to it!

7. What has worked for you in the past? Let us in on your secrets, what has worked for you before and how you went about it. We won’t tell.  This one’s easy!  Weight Watchers has been working for me for 7 years.  Finding the motivation to stay on plan is what has been hindering me.  That’s where ya’ll come in.  Instead of slapping that cyber-donut out of my hand, you need to ask me if I have the points for it.  But not until Monday.  Monday I get back on the wagon.