Sandie Simply Says

January 28, 2009

“I started today.”

Filed under: General — by Sandie @ 10:03 pm
Tags: , ,

I remember a time when those words brought nothing but sorrow and pain for me. It was when we were trying to get pregnant the second time. It took us almost 2 years. According to the doctor, we had “unexplained secondary infertility.” In other words, they had no freaking idea why it took us so long. In Nov 2003 had a laparoscopy where they killed some endometriosis and confirmed that my tubes were open. Apparently, that did the trick because less than 2 weeks later, I was pregnant with Angelina.

Over the last couple years, those words have brought a feeling of relief. We’d decided after Angelina that we were done with babies. Imagine our surprise a couple years later when I found out I was pregnant with Amber! After Amber, we again said we were done with babies. This time, Tony made the appointment for a vasectomy. We went for the initial consultation and even scheduled the appointment for the big day. As the day got closer, I started feeling more and more uneasy about it. Two days before his scheduled procedure I asked him to cancel it. And this is how I know he truly loves me: he did. Didn’t even argue with me about it, just did it. I knew then that I didn’t want more babies, but wasn’t sure I wouldn’t want another one in the future.

And now, here we are two years later. My monthly “friend” came today (4 days late, I might add) and I’m feeling a weird sense of relief and sadness all rolled into one. At the same time, Tony has started throwing out comments about another baby…maybe try one more time for a boy.

And I’m starting to think about it. Unbelievably, I’m starting to think about it.

I don’t think we’re ready yet. Not in light of the events of last week. But maybe in a few months.

That may give me time to come to my senses.

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