Sandie Simply Says

June 5, 2009

Spin Cyle: I love you!

Filed under: Spin,Step Life — by Sandie @ 9:31 pm
Tags: ,

I’m late with this week’s Spin Cycle, which really doesn’t matter since I haven’t participated in weeks! I keep telling myself, THIS is the week I’ll get back on track with my blogging. And then Facebook life gets in the way and my blog falls to the wayside. I’d already made up my mind that I wasn’t going to participate in this week’s spin and would just jump in next week. Then I read Jen’s spin (scroll down to the second story in her post) and I decided I wanted to share MY “I love you” story.

My older two daughters (Ashley and Amanda) are not “my” daughters. That is, I didn’t give birth to them. They don’t even live in my house, unless you count the 6-8 weeks they visit in the summer and the week at Christmas as “live.” They are Tony’s daughters from his first marriage, but I still consider them “mine.” My friend Tina actually sums it up best: they are the daughters of my heart.

I met “the girls” (as we’ve always called them. Even when we say “the girls” now, we know we’re referring to Ashley and Amanda, even though we’ve added three more girls to our family (and for those counting, yes, we really have FIVE girls and no, we’re NOT paying for any weddings!)) when they were 5 and 6. Tony talked about them so much, I felt like I knew them before we ever met. It was pretty much love at first sight for me. I’m sure they were just wondering who this strange chick that didn’t even speak Spanish was (true story: I was pretty much the first person they remember meeting who did not speak Spanish fluently).

The girls and I got along well from the beginning. That’s not saying we haven’t had our problems. I think ALL families go through various growing pains, but everything seems to be heightened when you have a blended family (especially when third parties (bio mothers and maternal grandmothers in our case) have issues with the new blended family…or more specifically, me. To this day I have no idea what she had against me back then, other than I shattered her dream of the two of them getting back together). While the girls liked me, and probably even loved me, their loyalty was with their mom. For the longest time, I wouldn’t even talk with them on the phone for fear of upsetting their mother.

As the years have gone by, their mother has become more accepting of me in her daughters’ lives (she even created one of those “Mother of the Year” videos for me that went around last Mother’s Day). As she’s become more accepting the girls have become more open with me. And I was finally able to chat on the phone with them without fear of their mother flipping out.

When I did talk with the girls on the phone, I always ended with “I love you” which was met with a hurried “Good bye” from which ever girl was on the phone. Until one day about three years ago. I was chatting with Ashley about something teenager-ish and was getting ready to hand the phone back to her dad. I said my customary “I love you” and this time was greeted with “I love you, too!”

What? I had to play the words over again in my head. Yep, she really DID say “I love you!” Strange as it may be, I was more elated by this “I love you” than I have been by any other before or since (it took Amanda a little longer before she said it to me, but now she regularly does too). It was like all the heart ache and tears I’d felt all those years melted away with those three simple words. Suddenly, everything was worth it.

I was walking on air for a good week after that phone call (the next time Ashley made me that happy was when she wished me Happy Mother’s Day out of the blue one year. Up until that point, I had not ever been acknowledged by either girl for Mother’s Day (not that I was looking for it, I mean, they HAVE a mother, so it never really bothered me. Didn’t stop me from turning cartwheels when she DID though)).



  1. It’s too early in the morning for goosebumps, stop it! I remember reading about the “daughters of your heart” before and thinking that it was the perfect way to describe it. I’m glad they’re finally comfortable enough to say I love you.

    Comment by Casey — June 6, 2009 @ 6:40 am |Reply

  2. How wonderful! I’ve always been able to see the love you have for ALL your girls through your posts and this story is so fitting! You’re linked!

    Comment by Sprite's Keeper — June 6, 2009 @ 1:48 pm |Reply

  3. I’m happy for you. I would love to get a Mother’s Day acknowledgment from my step daughter, but I don’t think it will ever happen. She will say, “love you, too,” but it’s so robotic that I don’t really believe it. It all goes back to the bio mom, sad to say. And in my case, there was no dream of hers about her marriage “getting back together” that I am aware of – she had already moved on with a live-in boyfriend. But you already know all this!

    Comment by Ginger — June 6, 2009 @ 8:03 pm |Reply

  4. It seems like such a small thing, but I can only imagine what those three words did to you. Must have been such a satisfying moment.

    Comment by mrsbear0309 — June 6, 2009 @ 10:00 pm |Reply

  5. What a great story, I’ve really enjoyed reading these spin cycles. 🙂

    Comment by Kyooty — June 7, 2009 @ 9:17 am |Reply

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