Sandie Simply Says

February 7, 2009

A whole new outlook

Filed under: General — by Sandie @ 9:03 pm

These past couple of weeks have been a bit of a journey of self discovery for me. It started with the day I thought my marriage was over and relates to to this Spin Cycle.

You see, Tony read that Spin Cycle post and put it together with some innocent e-mails R and I had exchanged over the last couple of years (well, I thought they were innocent…he didn’t) and decided that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. Which, wasn’t true, but I had shut myself off from him. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve worked hard to make sure I keep myself open. If I’m feeling something, I talk with him about it rather than letting it sit and fester in my mind. Through all of this, we’ve been able to reconnect with each other and capture some of what we’d let escape.

Over the last week or so, I’ve realized something else. I’ve spent the better part of the last 12 or so years, building R up in my mind to something he’s not. One of the comments to my Spin Cycle post said something about him being a jerk (I think it was from Casey). My first thought was, “No, he’s not a jerk.” What I realized over the last week is that he really was a jerk. He treated me poorly back then and I blinded myself to it. In the years since then, I’ve grown up. He hasn’t. I’ve managed to have a somewhat normal marriage that’s lasted almost 10 years. He’s yet to have a marriage last that long and recently split up with his last long-term girlfriend. And I’m quite certain he’s barely given me a second thought in the last few years.

I also realized how much I’ve let my unhappiness with one part of my life (having to work), affect every other part of it. The worst part is I let it affect my relationship with my girls.

So, I have a whole new outlook now. I definitely won in the end. I have a wonderful husband who thinks I’m the sun brightening his world. I have five of the most gorgeous girls on the planet (and I don’t think I’m biased one bit!). And I’ve decided to change my attitude about working. I have three years until I can retire from the Air Force. Three. I can do anything for three years!

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2 Comments »

  1. Glad you have a more positive outlook now and are working on things with Tony.

    Comment by Casey — February 8, 2009 @ 5:10 pm |Reply

  2. Kirk and I were talking about relationships from the past. I asked him if he ever thinks about any of the girls he used to date … wonder how they are … if they are happy, etc? He doesn’t. What’s in the past is in the past for him.

    I told him that I did and that I think most women do … think about how people are … did they have kids, etc. He was surprised by that. I told him that I think about Keith (my high school first love) all the time. I told him that I’ve thought about finding his number just to call and see how he is. And I told him that I don’t because I know that he wouldn’t understand. I guess he would, kinda, but not REALLY understand. I don’t think I build Keith up, but I DO think about him often.

    And the having to work … you know I understand. I wish I only had three to go. I’ve got 13. Sigh. BUT … I’m getting a better attitude about it too. Because I want to retire comfortably. I want guaranteed health insurance for the rest of my life. I want that check to keep coming in long after I quit work. And while I’d rather be looking at three years until that happens, I can make it thirteen.

    I’m glad that everything is back on track for you.

    Comment by Debbie — February 9, 2009 @ 10:56 am |Reply


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