Sandie Simply Says

December 24, 2008

The list

Filed under: General — by Sandie @ 10:18 am

It’s Christmas Eve. I’m supposed to be happy, cheerful, or otherwise enthralled with the Christmas Spirit. Instead, as often happens when we visit my husband’s family, I’m irritated. Rather than run down the litany of irriations with my husband and probably causing a big argument on Christmas Even and ruin EVERYONE’S day, I’m going to type them all out here and get some release!

1. The hot water situation. Almost a year ago, my MIL’s water heater went out. It wasn’t a HUGE deal in the summer because it so freakin’ hot here that the outside air alone heated the water some. But now it’s DECEMBER and the temps have hovered near the freezing mark some nights and she STILL has no hot water! Tony and I are staying in a hotel with whatever kid wants to come with us that night, so it’s not a big deal for us, but my 4 neices and nephews (ranging in age from 3 to 13) live with my MIL and have had to put up with this for the last year. I have no idea what has prevented her from getting it fixed other than she doesn’t want to call the gas company to have them turn off the gas (that’s what she told me was holding her back when I stayed with her one night last summer…I hope it’s not money because we’d GIVE her the money to get it fixed). And I sit here completely torn because part of me thinks that living with no hot water for nearly a year is CPS-worthy, but on the other hand I hate to get them involved. For starters, I know CPS is very busy with cases of much worse harm being done to the kids. And I’m afraid if they get involved, they may force the older two kids to live with the dad they can’t stand who has floated in and out of their lives for the last 13 years. It’s a very long story, but the short version is he legally has custody of the older two kids (the younger two have a different dad and their parents gave my MIL guardianship AND he’s still very much involved with his kids) and has allowed them to live with my MIL (well, the “allow” might not be the right word…the kids have outright refused to live with him and would give him a world of headaches if he ever pushed the issue).

2. Late nights. My MIL has apparently never heard of bedtimes. As a result, NONE of the kids are on any sort of bedtime schedule/routine/whatever. All of the kids are frequently up past midnight (even on school nights) and since my kids stay with her while we’re here, they fall into the same routine. Problem is my kids don’t sleep in. It doesn’t matter what time they go to bed, I can guarantee they’ll be up by 7, 8 at the verylatest. So, we get to deal with the overtired kids, while she goes to work. Normally, this doesn’t bother me as much as it has this trip. Maybe that’s because we went shopping late last night (to avoid the crowds at the grocery store) and came home to find MIL in bed with the rest of the kids running around the house, including my 2 year old who was up well past her bedtime. Actually, I take that back, ALL the kids weren’t up, my 4 year old was sound asleep.

3. Welfare fraud. Although this one isn’t really just welfare fraud, it’s a general sense of dishonesty amongst some of my husband’s family and friends. Example: my MIL gets food stamps and WIC for the younger children. She routinely doesn’t use everything every month (though I don’t know how this is possible), so she’ll use her foodstamps or WIC vouchers and then give the stuff away. My husband thinks she should sell it and he has the audacity to get upset with ME when I tell him that either scenario is welfare fraud (he says: “What else can she do?” I say: “Um, how about just NOT use it?” And then we have our friend who is getting food stamps and housing assistance by lying about her husband’s whereabouts (she told them she didn’t know where he was or where he worked and I’m pretty sure she told them he gives her no money). She’s hanging by a thread even with the assistance (at least part of it is her own doing though), so when my conscience kicks in, I have a hard time dealing with it. Part of me thinks “turn her in” because we all know it’s wrong, but then I worry about what happens to her three kids if she loses the help. My husband, on the other hand, has no trouble sleeping at night.

4. Trying to do too much. This is a big one for me and probably has to do with different perceptions on our parts. I think that when we come here it’s to visit Ashley, Amanda, MIL, and whatever other family we may be able to see. My husband thinks it’s so he can get together with every single friend he’s ever had who is still here. And he’ll make plans to see them, even if it means giving up time with HIS girls. The girls he only sees 2-3 times a year for a grand total of 10 weeks (and that’s on a good year). We stopped in San Antonio for ONE NIGHT on the way down here. We got into town around 4 pm and stayed with his aunt. He immediately starts making plans to see another friend of his and his cousin to do lunch on Monday (actually he originally wanted to do dinner, but I told him we were NOT getting to Laredo past 6pm). We ended up not being able to even do lunch because we woke up late that day. He, of course, was ticked off at me because I nixed the plans. Silly me for thinking time with his daughters would be more precious than time catching up with friends (or a cousin who couldn’t be bothered to come to Laredo for Ashley’s quinceanera last April, but I digress).

5. And finally, my husband acting like an ass. I told ya’ll we went shopping late last night. We’d actually planned to go a bit earlier than we did, but found out at the last minute that Amanda had tumbling practice and on the way back from there Ashley calls asking about dinner. She “couldn’t figure out” how to place an order for pizza (don’t get me started on this one!), so we swung by Pizza Hut to place a carry out order (and spent 45 minutes waiting on it). By the time we get there, he’s tired. I’m trying to be patient with him because I know he’s tired, but at the same time I wish I would have just gone by myself. I would have been better off for all the help he was. His only saving grace is he didn’t ask for sex when we got back to the hotel as he normally would have done. I probably would have gone postal on him last night had he done that!

Ah! That’s so much better! Now I can put on my happy face and try to enjoy the next two days here. Hopefully I won’t have a breakdown making Christmas dinner!



  1. That sounds like a madhouse, good luck staying sane! Not sure what to think about the hot water heater, that’s just terrible that the poor kids are freezing their butts off. I guess you just have to put on that happy face you spoke of and try to get through the holidays. The bedtime would irritate me though, I don’t deviate on bedtime with the kids and have come to blows with family members on several occasions. Good luck this week!

    Comment by Casey — December 24, 2008 @ 10:51 am |Reply


    Guess what? I picked you! Go here–its the Spiny cycle for this week!

    Comment by Tina — December 24, 2008 @ 4:47 pm |Reply

  3. Ok. I just read your post now. Can I ask you why husbands think that they can be asses and expect some love time? WHATEVER.

    I know the issues with Tony’s mom go on and on…it seems like someone will probably have to step in and have it get worse before it gets better. 😦 The water heater thing is just plain silly. SILLY.

    Go rest…tomorrow is Christmas. I will be thinking of you and your family!! I miss you!!

    Comment by Tina — December 24, 2008 @ 4:50 pm |Reply

  4. Oh, sweetie, I hope you get some peace and quiet during this trip! How about Husband stays at MIL and YOU go to the hotel by yourself and have some alone time with a glass of wine and a good book. Or blog. Whichever you want! I hope your holiday gets a little happier!

    Comment by Sprite's Keeper — December 24, 2008 @ 8:06 pm |Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: